Talking2Mirrors

                What I am about to express are my observations of my personal life and in large the society as a whole. There was a time when Men dominated Woman as if it was his right.  Equilibrium is very much like gravity, it exert its forces equality and indiscriminately. The times have changed and the shoe is on the other foot. Now I am not saying that Women now a day display the same kind of suppression that Men once did.  What I am saying is that there needs to be a balance between the two, furthermore the greater the displacement of balance the greater the disturbance of harmony.  The shift in the balance has been in motion and yet we are only starting to see and feel its effects.  Before I go on, I would like to point out that even if the harmony between Man and Women is greatly offset, you will not easily and readily see any differences at first.  For as long as there are Men and Women, life will go on.  But how they carry on this life and the lives after will be determined by how harmonious we are with one another.  A man can marry a woman, have a baby, and live under the same roof.  Yet, without harmony, without understanding, without patient, without loyalty, without trust and honesty, without real LOVE, now what kind of family/life would that be?

                Retorhical questions usually do not require and answer but when the question is that important maybe we should look for answers.  The sad reality is that is the life most of us are living in or eventually will live in if you we do not steer our ships away from the iceberg.  My heart does not want to believe it, but my conscious will not let me forget. I presume that some will hear me and say “whoa! Slow down”, “what are you talking about?”  And they are right! It is early, the light of day is still out, but why waits till it’s too late and too dark to start looking for a better path.  Let’s steer around these mountains of the sea while our mind is clear and our eyes can see.  So what is it that I am talking about? What are these mountains of the sea?

                For as long as I can remember women have been walking around with a chip on her shoulders, fighting for equality of the sexes.  Look at us now! Sure there is always room for improvements, but any groups or demographics will have its glass ceiling, not just Women.  Realize how much empowerment you have achieved.  Women of my time are smart, educated, strong, independent, and more successful than most men are.  I think that anyone who is aware will agree that both sides understand the differences between Equality as an ideal/concept and Equality as literally physical objective.  The literal, physical, and objective Equality will only bear fruits if the mind is embedded with seed of Equality as an ideal worth nurturing.  Let’s be honest, objectively in the physical form there are no equalities.  The virtue of Equality is in letting go of our senses that are telling us we all are different, but yet there is something inside of us that is telling us we are all the same; we are all equal under God. Man and Woman are not equal in any physical or objective way, the only Equality is in understanding that we both need each other Equally.  In the outside life we use our five senses to observe and measure equality by all this matter, material.  In our relationship, our personal life, we measure equality by observation along with the five senses.  We often make the mistake of using the same tools to measure two different things.  Be aware of what your senses are relaying to you, and whatever it is that it is telling you equate that in with who you are.  If your love one did something nice for you, whatever it might be, try to return the love that you felt rather than return an object or action of the same magnitude.  Some of us know how to love but do not have a clue as to who they should love.  Others know exactly who is deserving and worthy of their unbound love but they just do not know how to give that love.  To love someone, you have to get to know them and know what they love. So when you want to love someone, do not assume that they will love what you do because you would love it.  It would make no sense to me, although in good intentions, to have others do on to me as they would want me to do on to them if I do not like what she might likes.  In closing this point, if you love someone you much know them, so find out what they would love and give them the love that they dream of.

                To love is to go against life itself.  To put the wants and needs of another living being ahead of your very own, whereas life on the other hand is purely looking out for number one.  That’s why they say Love bears all, if you can stare pain and suffering straight in the eyes and all you can think is “as long as my love will be safe” then you truly Free. (which is why they say “the best things in life are free”, it is because no one can give it to you. Oh and it is also why they say, “It is better to give than to receive.”)

Unfortunately life is not that giving nor is it forgiving. I am way off of the topic I wanted to clearly and precisely address.  Nevertheless nothing was lost, even when it seems to be so.  I want to get back to my introduction of the arising of the Womanistic ideology.  I feel that women have been suppressed so long that once was strength have now become a weakness.  Allow me to be truthfully honest for I take neither side, to do so there would a winner hence a loser.  There is a way when it is done in and with awareness there are no losers and both are winners.  With that in mind, I would like to go into what it is that is disturbing the harmony the union. 

                First is first, ladies is first. There are no pretty words to say what I am about to say, It appears to me that Women of my generation as a whole have lost their inner beauty.  I only say lost for lack of better words because it is not lost but forgotten. From that emptiness it creates a chain of interrelated issues and situations that will lead back to the beginning. I will try to stay on course as I elucidate what I mean. When I say Women of my generation have lost their beauty, their inner beauty, this is what I mean.  A Woman has two kind of beauty, in the form and in spirit. It appears to be a lost of balance in the view of what beauty is.  Do we not see the struggles of our little girls fighting to hold on to their innocent? Or do we try not to think about it because it is sad or that kids will be kids? I have been around kids long enough to see the pressure that they feel from US to be beautiful.  It breaks my heart to hear a little girl say that she is not beautiful or that she is not good enough.  She might not understand it now, and might not feel the pain. But I know, we know that every little boy and girl is beautiful because they are innocent. Innocent is something we lose when an adult and we become bitter are.  When a child loses his or her innocent it is like an Angle losing its wings. We it every day, look at the clothes they wear, look at how young they are now when they become sexually active.  We have popular songs to remind them that they are beautiful.  Did you have or needed those when you were growing up? I sure did not. Those are the times when you should not have to think about those things you should be out playing freely.  I remember as a kid I never even thought about looking a certain way. I did not actively know, but I felt I was beautiful, I just knew.  This is how our little girls are growing up today, not all, but if the parents are any kind of reflection on their kids… (I’d rather not say the rest).  So how are little kids losing their sense of innocent?  They are no longer able to find who they are and the beauty that is within them because we as a society are showing them that beauty is only skin deep, furthermore how can we show and teach our kids about inner beauty when we ourselves do not feel it and know it.  The fact that we are insecure about ourselves put more pressure on them and we do not even know it. Sure we do it out of love; we start them early with everything, to get them ahead of the curve.  How do they feel when they don’t meet your expectation? What do you tell them? So the way I see it, why rush our kids with everything when they are kids.  If you raised them well and right, you would know they would make it through anything because you gave them the time to learn. They look up to us as if we were the Sun, and just as the Sun cast a shadow over us, they too are a reflection of who we are. So I am wondering next, how did we get here… to this point?  Well if Mom feels the pressure, so too will her little shadow.  And if Mom is out there in the business world with the men competing, well not exactly competing, because we can assume that the men in the workforce do not respect her professionally and is constantly breaking her beauty.

                And this is the price Women pay for Equality across the board! This is where they say, “you might win some but you have just lost one”.  They might even say be careful for what you wish for and even “you will become what you despise.” Let me elaborate further on this issues.  So feminist have fought long and hard to get their rights and their respect, and I would dare to say that they have won that battle (but if it was just up to me, they already had it to start with, I know a woman’s worth!), but they have lost the War. Women worked and so much harder and longer than men just to be on the same playing field and still get zeros at the end of their paycheck.  I understand and admire the spirit, to overcome at any cause.  I honestly wonder if they Women really wanted to do what Men does for life, or did they wanted to prove to Men that they are capable of doing it just as well and maybe even better.  For me as man I would not want to do what women traditionally do at home, and I hesitantly assume that most women would rather do their work.  I would have no problem if she wanted to work also as long as family is still her priority. Regardless, the situation here and now is one that affects both Men and Women with the Women.  However, now that the power to change is more in their control and there are not many Men can do other than to Man up and be better.  Let us now get into meaty part.

                This is what Women have lost in the fight for absolute equality.  Women have lost their inner beauty, what I mean by that is they allow external influences to determine how she feels about the world and more importantly how she feels about herself.  It is clear to me that when Women did their traditional work they enjoyed it.  When I say traditional work I do not mean like be a servant to the man, but rather as the things that she loves doing and would do it over and over again.  There is no Love like a mother’s Love.  Why do you think fathers get ties on father’s day and mothers get pearls and flowers on mother’s day?  I am not a woman therefore not a mother, but I do have a beautiful mother and through her I was able seen the serenity in her heart and soul when she did what a good mother does.  What beauty is greater than the beauty of giving life? I have heard from men that witnessing the birth of your child is nothing short of a miracle. I look forward to living that day.  So it is not unreasonable to see where the true beauty of a Woman is.  The heart of a mom, the strength of a wife.  We often hear soon to be fathers describe their abnormally large pregnant wife as “the most beautiful he has ever seen”.  Men understand the beauty of birth and mother hood because that is also his own seed.  This is what you Women are missing out on for what? To work with us men, stepping over one another to get ahead? If you had a good man he would bring it home to you anyway.  One of the most beautiful transformation in life is from being an individual, that is thinking “me me me me me me”, to a mother one who gives life.  That kind of beauty, the inner beauty, cannot be found or compare to any beauty external.  A young woman may have physical beauty but when time has aged her skin she will have lost her zeal.  Giving birth to a child may do for her what it does for the child; she too will be reborn with a new purpose. I would assume women know this very well because that is why they develop their own internal clock.  Mother is earth, Father is time!

                All this is beautiful and lovely in all but what is the problem? Well there really is not a problem, for a problem to exist you need time. If all you do is think about an issue and worry about it then it has become a problem. If however, you only focus on the Now and what you can do Now to over the challenge then it is not a problem, just a challenge.  I must say, and I know what some of them say, one of the most challenging things to accomplish now days is to date or to find a date.  Not one of those dates when you home with them that day and that the end of that. That is not a date that is an agreement, barter.  I am not sure if others are aware of the extreme challenges our generation is going through in terms of the process of finding a compatible mate that will endure and last.  This is well documented on television, and confirmed by the overwhelming success of Online Dating Sites.  If that wasn’t enough of a confirmation all you would have to do is try to go out and look for someone you can love and will love you. Good Luck! You may find dates easily, but are they what you are looking for? If it is the one night stand then that’s not what I am talking about. Above that if that is what you were thinking, then you have no idea what I am talking about.  So we ask what about it? So it’s hard to date.

                Why is it that it is so hard to find someone? Well there are really two separate answers there.  One is because you Women do not have time to date anymore because you guys are too busy with your career. With every passing generation Women are having children later and later in their life.  That was not an opinion but a fact.  Consider this…

“The report also found that women with advanced degrees are more likely to be childless. Of women in the 40 to 44 age group with graduate or professional degrees, 27% did not have children, compared with 18% among women who did not continue their education beyond high school (Zezima, New York Times, 8/19).”

“David Hacker, an assistant professor of history at Binghamton University, said that “a lot of it is delayed marriage and women getting started a little bit later in life.” Carl Haub, a demographer at the Population Reference Bureau, said the declining birth rate among older women “shows that patterns of family formation have obviously changed,” adding, “There are significant numbers of women in the U.S. who would choose a career over having a child — married or unmarried” (USA Today, 8/19).”

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/118859.php

                As you can see this is an alarming trend and it is only getting worste.  We are relatively still only the first or second generation experiencing this phenomenon.  Now what? Well I see it in two ways, one if you are a career woman and that is what you want at this stage in life then continue to persue your goals.  However, be aware of your decisions and its actions. There is only one kind of relationship worse than being old, single, and alone… an abusive and destructive relationship.  I would like to think the middle road in this situation is one that bend but don’t break.  The thing about successful women is that they expect even more of their man.  It makes sense to me only in that I would expect that.  How would it sound if one day you met a man and could really see yourself with him and he with you, but there is an issue.  He is really good at being a housewife,  he is motivated and is a hard worker.  Only now he doesn’t  think you are for him because he expects you to be better with the housework.   The point I am trying to making that expect your worth in the mate you choose, but do not be foolish to overlook a man’s worth in places you did not expect to find.  The other option is to go looking for gold, start digging. 

                All joking aside, I was really excited and still am to write on this subject.  I feel that we are moving into closer and closer to a time period were we can definitively say that this is our Generation.  There will be new things and situations that older generations have not experience therefore we have to first be actively aware of the world that we live in and not just the world that is around us.  I wanted to address this topic because one I think it is an important topic for we all are in this together and will affect us in one way or another.  The other reason is because it is such  a power dynamic that is transpiring rapidly across our society.  If I have time or energy I will takle the Men’s side of the story, seven pages is a lot to write in one sitting.  Thank you for taking the time to listen.  Any comments or questions or just thoughts are more than welcome.   May we all have a joyful journey homeward bound.

With Love,
                  Son Phan